Giving It Up

Today is the day it dawned on me that I'm really unlikely to make it as a writer. Sure, I've known that the odds are stacked against you and it takes ten years to be an overnight success, and competition is much fiercer now than its ever been, but by-and-large I've always been optimistic about my ability and my determination to keep going. But I think the optimism's gone and the determination isn't there either.

The reason for this is that after the conflicting coverage notes I got on my two spec scripts (see last post) I bought some more coverage from Industrial Scripts. As both my scripts are set in the UK I thought getting coverage from a UK company as opposed to the US ones would be a good idea and would give me some sort of definitive answer to whether I was on the right track or not.

So imagine my bitter disappointment when the coverage notes came back and the verdict was a 'PASS' on both scripts (I can't quote any details due to a rider in the coverage which says "the comments herein may not be used in any public or private arena to endorse, market or promote projects in any way"). I was really hoping for better so that I could qualify for Industrial Script's Talent Connector service, but that's all gone by the wayside now.

What's really frustrating is that some of the comments about my scripts could equally be applied to other scripts that have made it onto the silver screen. I read the screenplay for Bridesmaids yesterday and it's so riddled with mistakes its untrue. Maybe it was an early draft and I've read on some screenwriting blog that it was rewritten by a proven team of writers but still, how that got anywhere just amazes me. And I watched Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself yesterday too, which I liked but there's no way that that film would escape the criticisms of my own scripts. I don't know, its all just incredibly frustrating!

I'm just over two years into my quest to be a proper (ie paid) writer but I've now come to the (sad but probably inevitable) conclusion that I don't, actually, have what it takes. I'm not disciplined enough or talented enough (I have some talent, yes, but not enough) to go the distance and make a success of it. So, where does that leave me? Well, I'm contracted to write this romantic comedy, DeCodeMe, for independent Melbourne production house, AzureCine, so that will take me to the end of the year. After that I'll start to look for a proper job. I'm not going to give up writing completely, I'll just write part-time whenever I can. But I think I've given this a good go and I'm honest enough to face up to my own failure. I can't keep flogging a dead horse and sometimes you just have to acknowledge that you come up short. Not sure where this leaves me with the DARK ANGELS feature and one or two other projects that others are trying to interest me in. I think I may just have to turn them down. But I have been incredibly privileged to have had the opportunity to pursue my writing dream for two years. So I can be thankful for that, even if the frustration has outweighed the fortune in the final reckoning.